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  • Now, I can honestly say, that hersa37 is really a gun-obsessant.

  • I thought this was really funny :D Hopes you likes ^^..


    RETIRED HUSBAND


    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.


    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.


    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
    Target:


    Dear Mrs. Harris,


    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:


    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.


    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.


    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.


    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.


    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.


    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.


    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.


    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.


    9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.


    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.


    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.


    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.


    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'


    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


    And last, but not least:


    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

  • Did you know, that 5 out of four people don't get fractions? :D



    At first, I read this as 4 out of 5 lol.


    _____________


    Ok, so an old, super-religious Catholic lady goes out for a three-week cruise, and she has to leave her two female parrots behind, so she gets her grandson to watch over them. One of the times he's over, he's with a drunken friend, who teaches the parrots to say "We're hookers and we want to party!" every time somebody walks by. So she gets back from the cruise, enters the house, and no sooner does she get into the room with the parrots do they say "We're hookers and we want to party!" Freaking out, she calls up her pastor and asks him for advice. The pastor says that he has two male parrots, and that one of them prays 24/7 while the other cites the rosary. He suggests that maybe by putting her parrots in the cage with his, that some of the piety of his might rub off onto hers.


    The old lady thinks this is a great idea and brings her parrots over to his house. No sooner do they put the two female parrots in the cage with the two male ones do the female parrots say "We're hookers and we want to party!" When they say this, the praying parrot stops praying, turns to the one citing the rosary, and says "Bill, forget the rosary our prayers have been answered!"



  • I am a woman, but I loved every word of that. :D Wish there was a like button there.

  • A baby boy was born with no eyelids, so the doctors attempted a novel tissue grafting approach in which they used the foreskin from the boy's penis to construct new eyelids. Since this was never done before the medical community was very eager to see whether it worked. One of the surgeon's colleagues asks him "So, was it successful, is the boy alright?" and the surgeon answers, "yes, but he's a little cockeyed."

  • This is a test to find out your favorite movie, it is 99% accurate.
    Pick a number: 1-9
    Multiply it by 3
    add 3
    multiply by 3 again
    add both digits together (Ex: 12= 1+2= 3)
    Your favorite movie is your number!


    1: Gone with the wind
    2: E.T.
    3: Beverly Hills Cop
    4: Star Wars
    5: Forrest Gump
    6:The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly
    7: Jaws
    8: Grease
    9: Sex With Goats For Novices
    10: Casablanca
    11: Jurassic Park
    12: Shrek


    Amazing, isn't it?



  • -.-" -.-" -.-" -.-"
    -.-" -.-" -.-" -.-"
    -.-" -.-" -.-" -.-"
    -.-" -.-" -.-" -.-"
    -.-" -.-" -.-" -.-"


    I did that and came up with "Sex with Goats for Novices" -.-"
    How the **** is that true? -.-" :roll:

  • I did that and came up with "Sex with Goats for Novices" How the **** is that true? -.-" :roll:


    Scientific formula... and stay away from my farm animals from now on!


    Fun(ny) science fact:
    If you took out your small and large intestine, then laid them end to end, you would die!

  • haha these are nice, slammer! I also apparently love Sex with Goats for Novices, I just couldn't help it! :mrgreen: I always feel the need to dissect these things mathematically to see why it's always that answer, lol. (3x+3)3 = 9x+9.. multiples of 9 by factors 1-10 always add up to 9! brilliant!

  • (3x+3)3 = 9x+9.. multiples of 9 by factors 1-10 always add up to 9! brilliant!


    It's just magic, you are looking too much into it. :-P


    I was driving down the highway with my girl on a cold winter day, and all of a sudden; she ruins the blissful silence. She says to me: I think the people in that car beside us are from a different country!
    "Why do you say that?", I ask
    "Well, the kids in the back just wrote on the window, and it says 'stit ruoy su wohs!'"


    Figure the formula for that one :wink:

  • 'stit ruoy su wohs!' -> wouldnt that make them spanish as im pretty sure that spanish people put question and exclamation marks at the start of the sentence.


    :razz:




    decided to write up an old joke that i dont think has been mentioned here already:


    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cottonballs and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, `Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
    He answers, `You see, it`s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers -- `cus it`s so much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own...


    so does she. `

  • 'stit ruoy su wohs!' -> wouldnt that make them spanish as im pretty sure that spanish people put question and exclamation marks at the start of the sentence.



    It was her exclaiming what she was saying...


    Daughter 1: Daddy... I have to tell you something... I'm a lesbian!
    Dad: WHAT!?!?
    Daughter 2: I am also a lesbian!
    Dad: Are you serious!? Isn't their anyone in this house that likes di**?
    ...
    Son: Well there is one person... :shock: